Handling Valentine’s Day When You’re Not Ready to Commit

Handling Valentine’s Day When You’re Not Ready to Commit

For those who are dating or in the early stages of a relationship, the couple of weeks before Valentine’s Day can be very tense.  People expect the line to be drawn in the sand.  Are we a couple or not?  Are we committing or not?  For some (namely men) who may not be ready to make the call and don’t want to ruin the budding relationship or hurt feelings, it’s easier to just put your head in the sand and avoid it altogether. Please don’t be this guy. These guys are lame.

 Don’t wait until February 14th to make your decision clear, the time is now!  Here is what you can do.

  1. Plan ahead!  You have a little over 2 weeks before Valentine’s Day to take some time for a self-assessment of the relationship. Ask yourself where you are stand and how you see the relationship progressing, if at all.
  2. Understand your partner’s expectations.  Are they on the same page as you or are you reading from different playbooks? If you’ve been dating for months and there’s been no real talk or agreement on commitment, Valentine’s Day is FOR SURE the best opportunity to make it happen.
  3. Sync up. There’s no way around it. You’ve got to have “the talk”. Now, don’t go running for cover; you’re really just delaying the inevitable if you do. Go ahead and pull out those big boy/girl pants and open up the lines of communication. There should be no grey area as to what your current relationship status is (just dating for fun, dating with intent to commit, or not looking for commitment at all).  Before you end the discussion, make sure you both are okay with the decision. If you’re at a stalemate, it’s most likely an indicator that the relationship has run its course (for now).
  4. You betta recognize!  No matter how long you’ve been seeing each other, plan on giving some type of gift, token, or at the minimum, recognition of the day. Make sure it is appropriate for the relationship level you’ve agreed to.

Do this for me. Do not avoid the person you’re seeing leading up to and on Valentine’s Day out of fear of confrontation or the “what are we?” talk.  You risk damaging whatever relationship you’ve built up to that point. No one is expecting the world, just a little thoughtfulness. Good luck!

Julie Wadley is a certified life/relationship coach and owner of a boutique matchmaking company, Eli Simone, based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Eli Simone offers group and private programs for getting more out of life and love. Visit www.elisimone.com for more information.

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